This Haunts Me To This Day

It was a day like any other day as most stories begin. That night my dad and I were going to the races. This was great thing for me as it was a time With just me and my dad. We were living in Calhoun Kentucky in late fall. As far as I remember it was our first adventure to the races since moving from Nebraska. It was a blast to watch and as the night went on it was also extremely cold.

We had begin to return home. We were traveling in a pick up with a man and his son from church. We all were chit chatting about what we saw and enjoying the roller coaster roads that existed between the track and Calhoun. The problem with this was we could not see more than 50 feet ahead of us from hills to curves we continually were in consistantly up, down, left or right.

I can remember nearly photographically what happened next. We heard a loud bang similar to the sounds we hard at the race track. As we elevated up the hill we saw our fears. A car accident with two cars in front of us. I can to this day remember the graphic nature of this wreck. It’s messed with my dreams, fears, and psyche for to long.

I saw the cars still settling from the impact with dust in the air from accident. Steam coming from engines along with fluids of all type just starting to hit the road.

The man and my dad instantly pulled over and went to help. In the car in our lane that was hit and had four passengers. I can remembering seeing the drive covered in blood head crushed in the door that formed a V. This car was about 5 to 10 feet behind the impact and nearly completely sideways. There was a lady in the back seat who’s face was covered in blood and trying to climb out the side back window. My dad ran up to her and calmed her down to keep her in the car. Shortly after they pulled her from the car with help from neighbors laying down in the front yard of one of them covered in blankets. I remember seeing a guy in the back seat who was not moving and a lady in the passenger seat who obviously wasn’t in good shape. In the car that impacted this car was two people. A female in passenger seat completely out cold and a man in the drivers seat and completely out cold.

Time of impact to us coming on the scene less than 20 seconds. And time spent there was not as long as I think but it seems an eternity.

The reason I am writing this is I’ve not told many about the nightmares that haunted me afterwards. In fact my parent I don’t think knew how much it messed me up. From this day forward I was haunted with fear while entering a car.

I constantly would think every corner every hill we would die. I would sleep just long enough for my dreams to begin and wake up in fear of death. It caused me to be angry and even maybe a little bit paranoid. It wasn’t until I was 19 and had many concussions that I began to sleep properly only because I wasn’t able to dream for about 2 months.

I was released of my pain and torture that I kept inside. It’s something I can no longer keep to myself. Images of pain and death satan uses to attempt to torture me. To attempt to control my thoughts and make me feel God doesn’t love cause this happened. I remember getting chills that night from seeing and not being able to turn away. I remember that no scary movie bother me after that because of consistently seeing those images.

But I cannot be free from these nightmares unless I stop keeping them to myself. It’s funny how satan will use things. Things that don’t seem to be anything unless he’s grinding you with them.

Let me ask you this are you free? Are there things we continually hang on to? I would say yes there is. Find someone and let them know it. Give it to God. Let him take away the pain we hold on to.

Ruined Generation

Disney animated movies have ruined a generations of people. …. Let me rephrase that. All romantic movies and TV Shows have ruined a generation of people. Honestly there is a generation in this world that has an ideal about love that not only is ruining marriages but relationships as a whole.

We (yes I’m part of this generation too) think, “I want that love,” when we are watching these forms of entertainment.

Let’s try to define what love is in a relationship. Ok now do it without thinking of a movie situation or tv show situation. …. What is love?

See to many people are brought up on the fallacy of love and what it means for us to receive it. That’s entirely wrong way to think about it. See love isn’t something we should expect to receive. It’s something we give freely expecting nothing in return. Don’t believe me? then you ain’t reading your bible.

God is love. God loves us and shows us by sacrificing his son on the cross. He gives it freely and all we have to do is accept it. But do we take his love?

See we would rather have all our relationships measured by a love we see on TV and movies where it’s about receiving. That’s not love. That’s a idea satan buries in the kids as early as you begin showing them Disney movies. See we show them movies and never explain the love and how it’s based on receiving without giving. This builds up an idea that we are to be the most important thing in our relationships. HOW DUMB ARE WE! We are never the most important thing in the relationship. We are to be the third most important thing in relationships. We should have God, then Special Someone, and then us. It should never be us above others.

The most important thing in a loving relationship is giving love. Many of you may say, “But Auggie, if we don’t receive love then it’s not a loving relationship either.” That’s true but our number one priority should be to give love expecting nothing in return. We are dumb it we don’t receive love. It’s something we should not expect when it comes to our relationships.

Let’s get over ourselves and begin to love like God loves. Let’s love like God loves us and see how it affects our relationships. Make you the least important in a relationship and see how it progresses.

I can say this has worked. There are a couple of friends I have that I had made extremely mad at me. After 3 weeks of these friends not talking to me I realized I had to change what I did in order to keep these friends. I began to love on them expecting nothing. I still treat them that way expecting nothing back. It took a couple hundred conversations and I am happy to say they still are my friends.

What’s your idea of love? Can you define Love without thinking or referencing love from a movie or tv show? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Feel Free to hit me up on Facebook, Twitter and comments below.

I Started One Half of Basketball.

Let’s be straight here. I am not really good at sports. I am really uncoordinated to the point it’s awkward. I own it now. I was the sympathy vote. There’s only 12 spots on varsity Basketball and I was the 13th spot my senior year. In the area of southern Kansas where I lived Seniors were never allowed on Jr Varsity.

It was my senior year and I was that guy. I was the guy who played about 30 minutes total out of 20 games. I was the guy who used all 5 fouls when possible. I was the guy who was on the floor more than the mop.

We were losing big. By halftime we were down by 20 points. My coach wanted to “wake up” the starters by having them sit. He was short and brief, “Alright, I want Mueller, Justin, Dustin, and Jeremy to start the second half.” Then he walked out. I didn’t get it, I’m the last one picked… I started to get really nervous wasn’t breathing like I should have. As we got closer I didn’t feel good. In fact I was not ready. I should have not gone on the floor but I was a high schooler who was invisible.

I was running up and down the court quickly played great defense. Then it happened. I got an elbow into my lower chest. It was right between my ribcage and my stomach. It hurt I took one step back and then could not control what happened next. It was like slow motion and bent over and let everything in my stomach come out on the opponents shoes. It didn’t stop there on my way to the bench I threw up a couple more times. I then proceeded to the locker room and just holding my chest threw up while feeling a weird pain in my chest. After about 10 minutes went back out to the bench in a walk of shame. And had to run back into the locker room and throw up again. It was by far my darkest hour at the school I attended.

I remember my locker was right next to the coach’s classroom and it was full of air flight sickness bags when I got back to school on Monday.

Have you ever felt you would never get over a dark hour of your life? This was one of the most embarrassing moments of my school life. But I finally got over it. It took a few days but it did pass.

God would love to help you through your dark hours. We just need to listen to Him and seek help from our peers.

Do you have a dark hour you need help getting over reach out to God. Pray for his help.

Notification Free Experiment

Last Monday I took the advise I had read on a website. I turned off all my notifications. At first I was questioning what this actually accomplished. First couple days was a complete failure. I learned there were a couple things I needed badge icons for to check for it. Also I learned it turned the ringer off and that makes it darn right silly not to have it ring.

I ended up having sounds and badge icons on for text messaging, email, and for twitter (for help desk only). Man it’s been a relief. I find myself cutting out some over used screen time which is a blessing. Also I find myself not using my phone so much when I’m at home.

this is still an experiment and I’m sure it’ll change as I continue to use figure it out.

What do you think? Willing to try this? Love to hear feedback in comments below on Facebook or twitter.

The Left Handed Prejudice #lefthanded

Right handed society is being prejudice against the left handed minority since the beginning of time but no one is standing up for left handed awareness. Prejudice meaning – harm or injury that results or may result from some action or judgment. Left handed people for far to long have sat back and let the right handed people beat down on them. Yes I there are way more right handed people in the world than left handed. But out of the left handed people we have actors, inventors and world leaders who have altered our way of life over the last 30 years. Don’t believe me? Let’s name a few.

US presidents who are left handed
Ronald Reagan 40th
George H.W. Bush 41st
Bill Clinton 42nd
Barack Obama 44th

Technology
Bill Gates
Steve Jobs
Steve Wozniack

The last 30 years has been dominated by a right handed idea but a left handed brain trust. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs both revolutionized the world as we know it. A large portion of what we use from ATM’s to cellphones is based on software they wrote or drive to write.

I’m attempting to bring attention to the fact that left handed people get dumped on a lot. But this should not be the case. This should be understood that left handed people really control what’s going on.

But look at how things are set up in the world. When you sit down to a proper set stable it’s set up for right handed people.

See how the cups are on the “natural side” for those right handed people to use.

Let’s look at the car. British people have it right. Look at it in America; where’s the shifter, where’s the gas, where’s the ignition, where’s most the buttons, where is all the major warning lights and gages.

What about the commercials on TV. What hand are people using to pay, to interact, to display. A majority of the time it’s their right hand unless it’s something menial. Look at next time you see a computer set up which side is the mouse on? How about in what direction do most commercials have people traveling?

Video game controllers another market that’s majority left-handed people running the roost but controllers are set up for right handed people.

How about a camera? Most camera’s if you still have cameras are set up to hold in right hand, use in right hand and control with all buttons in right hand.

Scissor are right handed too. Don’t give me that “Auggie there are left handed scissors.” Well there are but they are designed by right handed people who don’t give a darn. Plus all you have to do to make left handed scissors is flip the design for right handed people… but they don’t they make it universals so both sides can use it.

I understand why it’s all done for right handers as left handed people don’t make a majority. But that’s no excuse for there to be an outright hinderance for most kids growing up. We need to develop a generation of people who don’t care what hand you are. We need a generation who’s ready to develop instead of torture left handers.

It’s time we left handed people stop letting right handed people be jerks and start to demand some rights. Let’s get all water fountains with only a button on the right banned. Let’s start standing up to the oppression since the beginning of time against the left handed people. Let’s start standing up and speaking out against those right handers who have oppressed us. Let’s start a left handed awareness day. Let’s start a it’s ok to be left handed in all things rally. Let’s stop the right handed regime from controlling what we are.

Why do we have to shake hands right handed. Why do we have to have things presented, shown, given from the right side?

It’s not ok to be prejudice on color, religion, or origin, but it also should not be ok to be prejudice on orientation of dominate hand. And I demand that be added to the constitution.

(this may read kinda funny and is meant to be light hearted but It’s against the law to be prejudice against left handed people and you all need to stop it. now!)

Worship with all you have

Worshipping with all you have. Sound easy right? Or is it?

Recently I went to a Jr High Weekend event hosted at the college I attend. (Nebraska Christian College) Let me tell you it was great. Now it was lots of kids jumping and singing and raising their hands all for God. That’s great to see. But then there’s me. There’s this dude who sits and is still as he can get. He’s as quiet as he can get.

See I used to be all that. I used to jump, dance, raise my hands, sing loudly, and run all over claiming it was for Jesus. And it may have been but it wasn’t authentic. It wasn’t even really anything but to benefit myself and making myself feel special. That’s not what worship is for. Worship is to be focus completely on God. But we in have made it all about ourselves.

My worship is worship to God with everything I have. … I make no excuses about the fact I have ADHD. It’s a hinderance but I’ve been blessed over the last 35 years to learn what that means for me and how to use it not hate it. Because I have ADHD I am almost always moving. It’s hard to explain to those who don’t get it but if my body isn’t moving it’s really difficult for my to function. I also like to talk and one of the ways I can actually think is by talking. So I talk a lot. Volume control isn’t something I know either so I’m loud and annoying. Put all this together and you’d think I’d love to be up in the front, hands raised, singing as loud as possible.

You’d be wrong. See I find I’m most worshipful when I’m quiet, in the back sitting down, and still. I’m given God my best when I’m doing this. The more quiet, the more still, and the more focused I get on God. It’s allowing me to give got everything I have. I worship him fully and openly best when I’m doing this.

There are those that tell me I need to pray about this so God can heal me. There are those who make me feel I’m the only one. But I know it’s not true. I’ve meet those who work behind the scenes at churches who are a lot like me. They are able to worship with their best just like me. Quietly.

“Be still and know I am your God.” Every day I know that God is real. Everyday I worship quietly and as still as I can I feel God hugging me.

Don’t get me wrong there are times I’m jumping all over the place and enjoying jumping, dancing, hand waving, and screaming lyrics. But I love God enough to know that he’s awesome and I’m not. And that if I don’t worship with my best then I’m stupid.

What do you think? Am I completely off?

Let me know what you think by commenting below, on facebook or on twitter.

I hate your blog


So the above song may include some words not appropriate. But it’s something I was recently told. The person told me that I’m horrible person. They said I know nothing, talk about nothing, and should get a life. I’m wasting my time being narcissistic and arrogant in my posts making it all about me and no one cares.

Then the decided to tell me not only am I talentless but the world would be a better place. The badgering continued throughout the week and finally I told this person to shut up. I told this person that their opinion about that is dumb and they needed to go jump off a cliff.

Did I mention that this was an inner voice? Did I happen to mention it’s my guess I was being spiritually attacked?

It’s easy to assume that means that I should keep this going and that Satan doesn’t want me to continue this. For some strange reason maybe someone may read this and learn about God and he doesn’t like that. Or even possibly I’m learning skills that will be invaluable in ministry down the road and that will save someone.

Well that could happen….. or possibly maybe Satan just hates me and wants to attack me in ways he’s succeeded before.

His tricks aren’t new. His tricks aren’t something we don’t expect. But he’s really hateful and he hates us all. He’s really good at getting you weak and then striking. There’s nothing we can do in those times if we don’t rely on Jesus. I don’t know how many times I’ve had youth say, “but I can’t.” He’s not helping, he’s not listening, he’s not there. My response is always the same. “Just listen, shhhhhh, Just listen.”

We all are weak at times. We all stumble and fall sometimes. People abandon their faith. People run to what makes they feel comfortable in weaknesses. It’s really about what makes us comfortable.

I’ve found comfort in Jesus Christ. Even when he’s working on me and showing my my failures I’m comforted in Jesus.

By the time you read this I will have spoken at Heartland Christian Schools in Council Bluffs, IA. And I will have given a message about God fighting for each and everyone of them. This message is needing to be heard by all. God fights for us. He fights when we don’t see it. He fights for us when we are to dumb to recognize it. He fights for us when we are against him.

Exodus 14:14 says, “The Lord fights for you; you only need to be still.” Far to often we are running here, we are running there when all we need to do is shut up, stand, sit, lay down, fall flat on our backs, faces, or even just lean against a wall and be still. BE STILL!

We must be still and listen to Him and let God walk us through the crap we made. And through our stillness, our silence, our obedience we find our way out.

He fights today for you. But are you listening?

What do you think? Am I off the wall? I’d love to hear what you have to say, on facebook, twitter or comments below.

Homeless

So lets play pretend shall we? Lets’ pretend you are at a church and it’s Sunday morning. Now pretend you see a gentlemen come in with dirty torn looking clothes. It’s obvious he’s not bathed for a few days. He walks back to fellowship hall grabs one of the donuts someone was so nice to bring. Then fills up his coffee mug with coffee. He also grabs a cup fills it with coffee and then uses some of that creamer many love to make his coffee tastes just right. He continues to wander around using the bathroom and the outlet to charge a cellphone. After about 20 minutes he’s out the door and on his bike with all his possessions.

How would you feel?

How would you reach?

Now let me tell you this isn’t pretend. This happens at a church.

Now how do you feel?

how would you reach?

See at Northwest Christian Church in Council Bluffs, IA this isn’t that odd of an event happening. I’ve seen it with a gentleman past few weeks. I feel there are two sides of the story. There’s the legalistic side of me that says, “how dare he, that’s not even fair. He doesn’t stay. He doesn’t really converse with anyone and he makes sure he leaves before the sermon each time.” But there’s also another side of me that says, “He can have it. I don’t need that calories, I don’t drink coffee, and we already are running the lights.”

And as I’ve prayed and thought about it, isn’t the second way a more Christ like response? I’ve said hi to him. I’ve asked him his name and how he’s doing. Now He’s not really responded to me and I’m ok with that. But if we can’t open our doors on Sunday morning to those who live on the streets then how can I who live in a warm home and food 3 times a day enter that building.

Matthew 25:40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'” It’s truth.

If anything he’s shown me that I still have lot of opportunities to check my heart so I can have one more like Christ. I’m thankful for for the minimal contact that gentleman who visits has. I pray for him daily now as I know God has brought him to the building for something. I’m praying that he continues to come and that we as a church body can show him who Christ really is.

What do you think? How do you react? I’d love to hear about it on facebook, Twitter or comments below.

Meeting Jon Acuff

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Jon Acuff is one of my heroes. I remember reading Quitter and thinking how did he get into my brain. Often when he’s tweeting it’s worth the read. Now I have to give full disclosure. If Jon Acuff was in a movie for 2 hours of him just eating beans. I’d watch that. Why? I would watch it because he’s captivating. He’s always able to draw attention what he is saying.

I was blessed enough to talk to him for a few minutes and have to say, he’s a really good people person. Now I’m sure he’d like to not be talking to people all day. His skills at awkward conversations to normal conversations is beyond many I’ve seen.

I nearly jumped up and cheered when he told the Tamborine story in church. By far one of the most awkward but yet funny stories. (see the story here Tambourine) I’ve read it a few times but there’s something about the way he delivers his stories that makes the stories that much more funny now.

But it wasn’t just meeting him that was great. It was the few words of encouragement he said I needed to hear. I told him about my hustle of returning to school. “It’s never to late to start over.” I know it’s probably already a line in his new book coming out in the spring. But he also didn’t just deliver it for no reason. He listened and asked active questions about what I was doing and how focused I was being on certain aspects. This is somebody who doesn’t know me or probably ever will see me again and yet he’s cares enough to ask more than small talk. That means a lot.

But think about this. We are for whatever reason a hero to somebody else. We have people to look up to us and that we inspire. Are we taking the necessary steps to encourage or are we blowing them off. I am convicted of this recently as I’ve not made time for some people I should and know I should. What do we need to do to recognized and change this?

I don’t have an answer but I know for a fact that I’m taking time to look for those who approach me and talk to me and I talk to them more and with more than fluff questions.

What do you think? What do you do with people who look up to you?

Love to hear from you on facebook, twitter or in the comments below.

Agenda

We all have agendas

What is would you say your agenda is? Is it to make lots of money. Is it about yourself?

I’ve been thinking what’s my agenda in Youth Ministry? What is the goal I’m after. I’ve through long and hard about this. I’ve continued to evaluate this as I do ministry. I’ve continued to look into what’s my agenda in youth ministry. Currently my agenda is to build a stable youth ministry.

What does a stable youth ministry look like? I’m not 100% sure yet. But I know it involves bible based teachings along with building relationships with the youth. It also involves reaching out to those who don’t know God.

But it’s beyond that. It’s bringing in other voices around their age and a little older and showing them how great God is. But also it’s not doing what I wanted to do as youth in youth ministries. It’s not about what I thought would work. It’s not about what I want to do now in youth cause I feel it’s fun. It’s about doing what God is asking me to do.

My agenda in youth ministry is God’s plan.

One of the first things I”m doing is branding Wednesday night. I’m not about naming a complete ministry but nearly every church has a name or brand of what they do. So Beginning soon We will launch the Wednesday Night program for Youth Ministry. Logo’s made. Gonna do some really cool things with it.

Next big thing we are going to be doing also is more social events. WE’ve got some great teaching times but don’t seem to have the social aspect down as much. Fellowship with other Christians is a must.

That’s the agenda right now in Youth Ministry. My goal is provide a great vision of who God is and what it’s like to be a Christian.

I ask what’s your agenda. What’s the end purpose of what you are doing? If you don’t have an agenda then maybe you should not be doing it.

What do you think? am I wrong, right on or way off? Tell me about this on facebook, twitter or in the comments below.